One feels peace and glee when drowned for a long time, in the living waters. The waves that suffocated the lungs, petrified every emotion left, and gave birth to fear in places of the body which are still undiscovered, seem to be kind on you, and you wish to close your eyes, stop your heart and be relieved from all the times your body has been in anguish, alive with the hopes that one day, you’ll breathe like all the others do with ease.
And, this distressing thought that you’ll never perceive the Sun, the same again, like you did when you were five, or you won’t be like those blooming flowers that bring in serenity to the eyes of the beholder, ruptures the small tissues, and nerves that mend this soul.
Comprehending self worth, is a difficult task when you have just failed yourself, and it seems that everyone else is doing so much better without squandering as much of energy and time as you are spending on what you want to work out. Even if anyone has lost this last bit of hope making the soul thirsty and devoid of that last drop of water that it needs to sustain this life, one should recall this fact which can change everything that, everyone is working in their own timezone.
One time or the other, I feel so baffled about things which tend to shift from the state of permanency to that of a shadow, which vanishes as soon as the Sun bids a goodbye. I still cannot figure out if the guards of this ramshackle castle will leave tomorrow or the day after. I don’t want them to. The way I do not crave anyone anymore, the same way this soul prefers seclusion to being ridiculed. Exhaustion has already spread every corner of this mind, and after losing faith, which was the only thing that never left this side, I know, my mind is abashed of requiring anyone. This is not any form of ego. When one fails to fit the portrait that was painted, it is more hard than it seems to stand up, or to want anyone to decipher the situation and the person, chained to misery.
When it has been a long time pondering if someone is worth your time, or if that person would appreciate just how you are, you develop this immune system, that reflects no insecurity or warmth. He has kind of been with you through your thick and thin, and never really leaves you, however, there is this slender thread that is still blocking the way. The scissors are lying on the round glass table, just next to you, however you refuse to move the limb that is rusted, for all the times, cutting this thread resulted into misery and nothingness. But, you still crave to cut this thread, and maybe, you will. Or, maybe you won’t.
I haven’t cut the thread yet.
Someday, I will.
P.S. I wanted to write more about the last paragraph, but I think, it doesn’t really matter.
Have a great life.
Feel free to give your views.
Have you ever felt that way? Lighten me with some of your stories.