The Irony in “Friend”ship

“Happy Friendship day!”
One of those things, which were of the maximum magnitude to me, when I was a child, was tying friendship bands on my friends’ wrists on this day. Even if she were a mere acquaintance, who never bade a “Hi” to me, I would make it sure, that my band would gleam on her wrist. And, the second thing, that I would be too determined to make sure, that everyone tied a band on my wrist. Both of my arms would be enveloped with brilliant, colourful bands upto my elbow and, sometimes, even exceeding that limit, and I would roam all day long, adoring them. Some would be woolen and hand-made, some made of beads, ribbons, rubber bands, and some with the cliche tag of ‘Friends.’ Life was not ruthless, when I used to run and play ‘Lock and Key, or ‘Confusion’, or ‘Hide and Seek,’ with my friends at school. At that pristine time, I haven’t yet come across the actual hardships to keep a bond from dissociating under the ravages of time.

I haven’t confessed a few things to some of friends and ex-friends. I would like to do so, now.
Commencing from where, it all began.

Dear Shreya,
I would give anything to travel through time, with an intricate device and go back to the day, I first came across you. Yes, I was, and I still, am an obdurate lunatic, who doesn’t know the art of keeping back words, that may pierce the heart of the one, I am standing next to, however true those omnipotent words would be. But, whatever came in our way, we evaded it, well. One of the most prominent memories that has left an indelible mark on my heart, is the miniature of you, dashing through the corridor, merely to hug me. And, the impulse it created, was enough to fling me back with the greatest thrust. I am grateful to you, for all those instants when I was on the verge of falling off the cliff, but your herculean arms pulled me up.
It was excruciating, when I came to realize that you left school, and we haven’t had enough time. Time to know each other well, and create a bond that would survive any thunderstorm. I used to write letters, and send cards to you, but I never got an answer back. I was too afraid to fathom that you didn’t wish to be in touch with me. When I had almost given up on our friendship, which had existed in my mind and imagination for almost five years, Facebook came to help, and phew, you had a facebook profile! I was more than glad and relieved to know that, you missed me so much, and that you did love me as much as I did. It’s been almost 13 years to this bond. If people say that friendship doesn’t really exist these days, then to them, you do have that one person, who would never leave you, and this predestined path would lead you to them in one way or the other, only if you look around yourself.

Dear Ritu,
I never was fortunate to be with good friends, at least, friends who accepted my acrimonious nature, and beheld that self, which was hidden under this flesh and blood. I do not know, how merely one year was enough to nurture this friendship and strengthen it, to its roots. But, the probability that all your assumptions would be accurately right, is uncertain and depends on a lot of unknown factors, which are malevolent enough to destruct a pleasant relationship. Till now, sometimes, my baffled minds takes shelter under the memories that you have left. Those hilarious jokes that you cracked, which would always make me laugh incessantly till my stomach ached, and I ran out of breath. Everything seemed blissful with you. I would always detest those times, when you and Upasana would endeavour to poke me and make me go nuts. However, I would be the happiest person alive, if I could get those times back.
Till now, I haven’t digested this harsh truth that you trusted some other person’s words, who you had just come to know, and gradually drifted away from me. Do you recall those million times, Upasana and I attempted to convince you that she was getting you on a completely wrong path? Words like, “Girls like you, should die!” never poached my heart, if it came from someone whom I didn’t hold dear, like she, who deviated you from us. Although when you made your mind to hold her hand, I was truly crestfallen. And, the only question, I would ask myself was, “What did I do?”

Dear Upasana,
I would laugh my heart out, whenever you said that at the beginning, you thought I was too bossy and stubborn and that repelled you from my presence. And, then you used to say, “You are bossy and stubborn and all those things, but you have a pure heart, that erased all those negative signs from my vision.”
You knew, how people from my childhood, had unnecessary complaints against me, against who I was. They still have. But when I was a child, I used to give a lot of my time to these. You knew everything, and you know me. You know every part of me, and you know everything about me. I expected a lot from you, maybe. There goes my fault. I expect so much from anyone, who gets even an inch closer to my space. Do you recollect all those times? Excursions, school programs, BB’s classes, Dumbsharadz, and so much more?
I know, when it was near the end, I did something awfully wrong, for which I can never forgive myself. I am sorry, and even if you forgive, I would never be able to do the same. But with that, I realized that what you did, the way you revealed my words, which I trusted you with, disheartened me. Being enraged with my recordings, which have been conveyed to you, by a third person, saying those things which I have trusted you with, and then exaggerating them with a lot of your spice, petrified me. I never imagined you to turn out like this, and it is my fault too, since, I expect too much.

Dear Prarthi,
You resemble Ritu. In a short time, you grew too close to me. In a few ways, I could relate to you, and maybe that was one of those firm reasons behind this. All of my memories of you are, you and I laughing our hearts out at anything and everything. We found something or the other about everything, that added to our bliss. With you, my school days were one of the best, which I would always cherish. Your tales about that neighbour and her biryani, and that guy who attempted to have an accent in front your sister, then that “Ghee e bhaja” dog that would come running towards you, within the blink of an eye, are exceedingly hysterical and, I still am giggling, typing this out. I would always keep those Puja days with you in the most profound chamber of heart, locked. After everything, I can never repay you for the times, you spent days listening to my recordings, crying, broken and saddened, for the times, you spoke for me, when I was in need of support. Thank you.
I am and will be in love with you. Even now, that I see you at school, you do not know how much my legs long to go to you, and hug you. But I do not. What happened to us? If you’re reading this, you should know, that I would give anything to talk to you again, because things do not work out, talking over the phone. I did not know, that a mere joke would hurt you so much, and I didn’t understand that you were in pain. You could’ve told me that what I was saying seemed wrong to you, instead of discussing about it, behind my back, in a conference call with all of them, whom I thought I was friends with, on the night before my birthday. All of you did wrong to me, but what made my tears roll down, that you, and Dipsari and Upasana were a part of it. Things did get ruined with her, but a part of me, after reading all your texts about how your dad was disappointed in me, and how you were disheartened, still longed to reunite with you, and that was the reason why, I did call you at 12 O’clock, on 14th December, 2016. I knew that you, and all of them, didn’t even give a thought about how I would feel, after coming across the fact that everyone was expounding exaggerated things about me, facts about me, which I wasn’t aware of. But all of you, were busy feeling miserable about my actions, which were justified to an extent.
It is okay, because life is bearable, after all.

Dear Dipsari,
To the savior of this soul,
To the weary person, who had to go through sandstorms for the sake of this obtuse creature,
To the companion of this unending ride,
To the medicine to my wounds,
To the best friend,
I will never ever be able repay you in any way, ever discovered, or pointed out. How many times, has it been that you ruined some of your bonds to keep this one? How many times has it been that you spoke for me, when I was not there? How many times has it been, that even if the ratio is 1:10, you have had a heart brave enough, to stand against all the odds for this lunatic?
Thank you.
Thank you for that day, when you decided to take the empty seat beside me, while I was flipping through the pages of the same books as I didn’t have a friend. Thank you, for being that friend, that I always needed when I was a child. Thank you, for having faith in me. Thank you, for trusting my words. Thank you.
I would go on and on, thanking you and it would never end.
One those moments, when I couldn’t be grateful enough, when you became that friend, I was always in quest of. Shantiniketan trip with Suhrita and you beside, was the most exhilarating one. Do you remember Ananya dancing her heart out at the end of class X, springing up on the benches, and we came out, being scared that she would trip on us?
There are just so many instants that I could write down.
I knew, that we had a break once, but I was so relieved that you were back.
Anywhere you go, as our high school years are near its ends, I would be more than thankful to you and almighty, if you recall me. That would be enough.

There are more people to write to, but I wanted to keep it short.
I would want you to write about one of your friends who had left an indelible mark on your heart, in the comments down below.

***

Have a great life.
Love,
Touchwords

*Feel free to give your views*

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